Nothing but net

I haven’t been able to blog anything recently due to the fact I’ve not had internet at home in a while. Now i’ve hijacked my housemates internet and have had it for a few days. I’ll just starte off with my recent musings. Amongst other things I decided to get waxed again but this time a brazillian as well. I’ve bought some new thongs recently from www.planet-undies.com with nothing much on the horizon thought i’d treat myself with some titillating underwear. And my personal therapist said she would try a brazillian the next time. I cannot wait and had I known earlier would’ve saved me time and money.

The brazillian I got was less than what I had expected. I was expecting professional results with perfectly polished results but it turned out less than professional.

I was somewhat anxious having to fend off a few invites the night before from friends for house parties and what not. I couldn’t say I can’t because I’m getting waxed in the morning.

That and a few other reasons made it somewhat nerve wracking, plus having to get up early in the morning for it. I was really apprehensive as I’d never been completely exposed before in front of someone other than a lover. I was worried about having an erection that wouldn’t subside.

I walked in somewhat tentatively into the building but only after managing to lose a friend from work who happened to be on the same bus as me. I had to pretend to be heading a different route even though we had to walk the same way. I went upto the desk somewhat shy and was lead to a waiting room where a few people were ushered in and out. I just reverted to my usual self looking around and checking for leaflets or reading materials. While I waited I filled out an application. I did not want to do the 24 hour patch test, coming out once to do this is more time than I could afford.

After a short while my therapist took me to the room and asked me a few questions. She asked if i’d been waxed before and I said just by myself. She was kinda surprised when I said that and that it hadn’t hurt much. I was asked to remove all clothing from the bottom have, clean off with some baby wipes and drape a towel over my groin. She left for me to do that.

I was somewhat perplexed I thought it would be a burlesquese type of thing where i’d only reveal as much needed and go around. She came back in and whipped off the towel and asked to spread my legs frog like. It was somewhat refreshing and liberating I suppose. And so far no erection I was thankful that I was so relaxed. She just matter of factly started her business with gloved hands. It was an unique sensation being touched like that with gloves. Felt so alien yet somewhat familiar. Almost like a baby might feel when being changed. It was a hard sensation to describe, somewhat tender yet disregardful. All throughout it was as though we’d met on the street and engaged in nothing more than causal banter with no qualms about my nakedness on my part or hers.

I only had a partial twinge in my penis when it started to harden other than that it was the most limp it could ever have been. It must’ve been somewhat engorged but placid as I felt it flop here and there whilst she tried to move it around or when it was caught on something. I couldn’t view it as I was laying back and had the light in my eye. A typical condition of laying on the therapist table. Nevertheless it was very limp which I was intermittently thankful for.

She went around the penis and scrotum then asked me to hold my legs in the air while she did the crack. That was the most painful although not by much. Then she started on the penis and I don’t know exactly how or what method she used; it would’ve been handing relaying that information to my personal therapist. A few hiccups and the process was over. She asked to take a look and has asked at the beginning if i’d wanted all the hair taken off the top or a strip or natural. I opted for something in between.

All throughout I resorted to idle chit chat and the therapist apply the wax wait, once she changed the channel on the tv. Pretty relaxed setting as demure as can be and there were painful moment but nothing that sticks out. So, it must been not too bad.

I couldn’t see too well as the light had been in my eyes the whole time, I said that too her and then she left for me to get dressed. I still couldn’t see on the full length mirror just a quick glance then I got dressed. I went to the reception paid the heft price then said goodbye.

What I would find out when i got home was that the top strip was butchered and there was hair left high up the crack. I was not satisfied at all. Here I’ve put up a few shots before my whole body wax. Here are few before and after pictures:

BEFORE

Shots of the torso before any waxing

BRAZILIAN

Shots taken after brazilian waxing

AFTER

Shots of the torso after a complete body waxing

Due to the brazilian beauty therapists mishapen pubic region, my personal therapist just took it all off…

Quick Comparison of the perineum

quick comparison of the perineum area before and after waxing

Hiatus

I cannot even start to recall how long it’s been since I’ve blogged. Throughout a period of utter distress and unhappiness with circumstances the permeated throughout, blogging was one of the things on my mind as I’d fall into bed and lose consciousness. Now things have changed, moved out of a place that was non conducive to just about anything really: neither was it a place to relax, regroup, socialize nor anything that a normal human being would want to do.

Now that’s in the past, only a few tendrils remain to haunt me, which, I’m sure will be nothing more than wisps of the many let downs in life that will be relegated to back of the mind and in due time just adds to character.

The current situation is just a stepping stone on to better things. Those who stay still will gather moss, and evenutally remorse. That does not mean that only inaction leads to remorse, but nevertheless, better active and remorseful than, sedentary and waste away. Either way, I am keeping my head up. Eventually my course seems promising and challenging. Only thing I’ve got to do is keep my nose to the grindstone. The focus alone is reward enough, other good things will be sure to follow, or I will make it so.That’s enough for now.

All Hallow’s Eve continuation

Why is it that there’s such stigma about being able to wear swim briefs, I just don’t get it. Well like most things humans illogically create out of fashion and narrow mindedness it’s hard to fathom but easily argued using just a bit of common sense and the ability to think outside of a commoner’s prejudiced perspective.

It’s ok for women to go around almost naked when it comes to swim wear. It’s alright for women to wear skimpy skirts or tight garments in most western cultures and it’s completely ingrained into society so as not to be vulgar or unappealing. Bar the few conservative and judgmental types who gripe about certain dress styles. Even though their view is again irrational considering the clout of human acceptabilities concerning modesty.

In certain parts of the world, the way western women dress on a daily basis is seen as vulgar by some standards, if not highly fetishist or improper. I’m not trying to argue that the more modest cultures merit any respect in terms of their dress code, just using the varying acceptabilities to argue that what’s right by any one culture is just their own perception. It’s not right by any iteration of the word. It’s just what’s been done and has come to be accepted as right.

In that case, the way women dress in the west, the most conservative, average fit jeans and a T-shirt would be improper in another part of the world. So much so that it would elicit ridicule, taunts and unwarranted attention from both sexes. That’s just a simple example.

On another level, the way most young women dress would be highly controversial in such places or even in bit more unreserved places. An interesting note, in most countries where women are clearly over cloaked, the men are blatant in their abuse and eve’s teasing. As much as men are similar around the world in terms of respecting women, in these countries the level that they’d do this with is overtly so. For example, even though men would comment about women wearing provocative clothing in a western country amongst other men, they would be somewhat demure and exercise restraint in public or when amongst members of the opposite sex. It’s more common place and women are daring and free to wear whatever they choose; there’s a history of sexual and fashion evolution that’s laid a foundation and layering of events up to the moment where these women are comfortable enough and accepted by society that it’s tolerated even without a second thought. Albeit sometimes it’s begrudgingly so, but in every evolution there are change resistors. In a country where women have less liberties and freedom of choice/expression, any deviation from the prescribed norms would be met with high levels of intolerance and sometimes even physical violence. So the irony is the cultures that claim to be protecting women and respecting them tend to be hypocritical.

Therefore the clothing worn be it, casual, lounging, formal, swim wear etc. so common, innocent, unscandalized owing to the history that preceded to its inception would be improper, scandalous and inadequate in non-western countries.

So that would be the supporting construct I am going to use to raise the question – why is it a big deal when men wear briefs or anything else that is deemed unattractive or non-masculine defined by standards that are from just one biased perspective. I’m sure if the women in western countries had to live in non-western conservative countries where they would victimized and ridiculed they would see how a taste of their own medicine would be. But they would have the luxury of not going to such countries or only being in them for a brief period. And it’s only swim wear, it’s not like clothing in every other sphere is called into question. Men don’t go around short shorts, or tight and uncomfortable fashion dictates, wear ‘formal’ attire that accentuates the appeal of its wearer to the opposite sex or highlights the differences. Bare leg from mid thigh to sometimes even higher constructs that again would be highly impractical and highly improper in any other culture. Necklines and cleavages that would be vulgar in most countries (albeit the way western women do so is tasteful, something about genetic makeup or something else unexplainable).

No, it’s only when it comes to one part of the wardrobe, nothing else. And all this hub bub, it’s frustratingly unfair. When it comes to living through parts of history that you know is wrong and that in the future it would be looked upon as another period of pointless debacle and ignorance, It’s painful to have to share a time period with morons and bigots. It would be fair to be able to choose something to wear without being ridiculed, judged or made to feel high self conscious. Worse still, to being made to feel like your body isn’t beautiful enough or that it should be seen as unappealing, unattractive to you and everyone else around you. So much so that it should not be allowed to be looked at it. Very healthy and open minded I’d say. To be able to wear something that makes you feel good and would be appropriate for certain instances isn’t too much to ask. Or being able to wear it for the same reason women do, whether that be fetishist, comfort, being made to feel body beautiful or any other reason is up to the wearer.

For the arguments that men who don’t compete in swimming or other swimming related sport shouldn’t wear such skimpy or revealing attire, I don’t see women do the same. Women who don’t compete or even swim wear completely skimpy swimsuits or competition suits and it’s alright for them. And yet these same women complain about speedos or inequality towards women or salaries extra. Maybe like yields like, if you taunt and herd all men into one camp, the ones who are good, loyal, respectful, would have no recourse but to join the rest who are sexist and ignorant. So you’re not really furthering women’s rights by turning any supporters you might have to become passive to your cause or worse still against it.

Maybe my quest for equality and sexual freedom might lead to closure in formulating plausible arguments and making sense of the nonsensical.

Why is the prudery, ignorance and bigotry of one culture be allowed to torment and ridicule a certain group? Why all the jokes, stigma and general disapproval.

All a part of the conundrum that permeates almost every aspect of humanity. In most parts of the world, in varying degrees of development, the brash, insensitive, illogical, fascist members dominate and try to maintain their mislead grip of control in how everyone else should live.

In the end, bar the varying levels of sexual freedom and in turn the freedom to live and dress the way you want, humanity is homogeneous in its narrow mindedness. The only hope is the pockets of few who are beyond it, they live by the rule of using common sense to come to their own conclusions, a better way of thinking and living and not judging others or consciously influence or torment other beings.

All Hallow’s Eve – Update

I really haven’t blogged in a while. Just got caught up in daily rigmarole of college and work. It’s been a disappointing front on most facets of life. So much for finding love or sex, both are elusive as ever. Swimming has becoming a chore with not much of a progression and plus the fact that I don’t go in other than the lessons to practice. The main reasons being it’s not easy to go into a pool when everyone else can swim and your just splashing about like a, excuse the phrase, fish out of water and I’ve gotten used to wearing the briefs that I categorically refuse to go back to the trunks. It’s more secure.

That has been a downer, but it’s not just the issue of being ridiculed or feeling self conscious that’s causing it. The fact that I have to run around from college to a martial arts class back to college then finally to the aquatic center, leaves me physically and sometimes mentally drained.

Everything kind of piles up. Been to a Halloween ball from college and it wasn’t all that great. I didn’t have a costume and didn’t even get to dance. It’s been a while since I’ve danced. Back to work tomorrow, sort everything sorts itself out soon. Time for bed.

Last day

Thursday the 11th was the last day of my swimming lessons. I’d missed a few classes beforehand and hadn’t been really practicing in between classes. I seem to have made a bit more progress, albeit it meagre. I guess I should keep at it. Not sure if I would continue to go for further classes, it would be cheaper to just go in and practice by myself, although there wouldn’t be the freedom of being in a class of non-swimmers.  I also want to take hip-hop classes instead.

The last class was mostly fun and games for what reason I’m not quite sure, some sort of ritualistic ending I suppose. I doubt it aided much to furthering my swimming skills. I decided to be daring and forego false modesty and propriety and donned my swim briefs; I wore the nike’s which is one of the more modest briefs I have with 3 inch sides. I was saving it until I was adept at swimming then I wouldn’t be as self conscious, or so I reasoned. But I just wanted to be able to do it. And with that I did. I didn’t chicken out in while at home and packing my gear and I inadvertently needed to come back home in the middle of the day and I didn’t change my mind then either. I’d put it in the night before steadfast that i’d only pack those pair and not take the trunks as well and give myself an option to chicken out in the change room. Bar the stigma, and awkwardness of it somewhat, it felt good. I felt somewhat conscious especially when we were playing water polo in the pool and had to jump out of the water to get the ball and being ‘exposed’ as such and not in the distorting veil of the water. I guess it’ll take a bit more nerve to keep at it and not worry about others opinions or implied snickering. There are quite a few others who wear similar gear and the trunks as well so I guess it’s not that bad. The only comment I got was from a cohort in my lessons who asked if i was an ironman, did not have the opportunity to clarify it but, oh well.

I’ve resolved to wear it more often the other day but today was somewhat weary and unsure of myself. I’ll see how it goes. I will be somewhat reserved going in and trying to swim in them I suppose as opposed to being able to just swim. I’ll just have to brave it, after all you only live once and I want to wear and do what pleases me. If I could do it albeit dishearteningly in a country where it is taboo I can sure as hell do it here where it’s acceptable.

A while ago I also wore my jockey trunks which are smaller than the speedo endurance trunks. Both of the trunks however don’t offer the support or security of the briefs; with the trunks, there is very perturbing shifting and movement which I have to try and fix everytime I leave the water, which is awkward. The briefs keep everything in place without any adjustment needed.

Also I’d only ever worn my tyr’s in the water, and they were somewhat oversized and offered a lot of coverage, didn’t reveal too much when wet and i’d never actually swam in them. And I also wasn’t too aware or felt I needed to enhance the appearance of my package back then. So with the nike’s being the proper size and wearing an elastic ring to lift and retain a bit of size made the fabric outline the shape somewhat. But it wasn’t too bad. I’m no exhibitionist but there’s no harm in it whatsoever. If women can get away with bloody murder why should I worry.

I did have some inspirational ideas to continue waxing and certains strategies. I’ll see how it goes. A brazillian wax would be good, but the cost is really inhibitive. The hair on my arms seems to be coming back finer but the rest seem to be the same. My therapist didn’t do an all too thorough job the last time. Plus her prices have gone up. Oh well.

On a side note I almost ran into my once heart rending crush who just happened to be waiting for the shower as I was walking into the sauna. How she didn’t see me I don’t know, but i’m glad she didn’t and i’m glad I didn’t walk in from the other shower. I guess she might’ve seen me working out in the gym later on though. First time I saw her in a bikini though and I wasn’t even bothered, kind of almost turned off maybe. And plus I would’ve felt terribly, overly conscious with what transpired before and what I was wearing. Ok focus, don’t think about her at ALL. I have to once and for all stop falling for someone who isn’t even that attractive to me. Although certain qualities might make her attractive on a general physical level and that would be a general consensus, but other things are a definite turn off yet I fall for them why? Ah neurosis, what a rip. Anyway that’s enough spewing for now. If i haven’t gotten everything down, good. I don’t give a fuck.

Can’t think of a title

Hmm where do I start, relating back to the first entry of this blog I’ve decided to further do any drawing, writing and postulating in one single note book instead of writing and ripping sheets from notebooks and ending up with endless folded up sheets that I have to catalog. I guess a book itself would be catalog enough and I wouldn’t need to put it online…just yet.

As of late things have been pretty uneventful and eventful however my take happens to be on the situation at hand…I’ve had a few extra housemates as well as an extra roommate coming in to share the house. That means less space but less rent; I hope.

As of late I’ve been trying to get a loan for my fees but been unsuccessful because it’s another catch 22. In order to get a loan I need a visa for longer than a month and to get the visa I need the loan. Ha, i’m not surprised, I’d been through that before.

Anyway I just decided to take out a credit card for emergencies and just work up the rest. Hoping it should be fine, however shifts are hard as of late. I should have either quit the other job earlier or not taken it up at all. Total waste of time, money and mind.

So here’s to another sticky situation and when everything culminates into more of less one focused area of struggle and now I can barely breathe let alone think to write. So peace out.

Mind Vesuvius

~ I hate this feeling I get when i sit and wait
anticipate the frost that fate has set in wake
on the horizon looms doom and gloom
can’t get a break as I try to erase my past
hastily as strife marches, on with life so earnestly
distraught
I can’t take the pressure, this darkness is boiling under
every breath I take it’s like the very first, yet last
trying to make sense of it all, spewing out words
that I form which seems to make no sense at all
even by my own disconcerted accord

a dark harmonious tragedy held together by
suspect emotions and healf hearted pleas
appeals as he tries to steal some peace by
writing these theses ~

Saturday night

Something relaxing about sitting in bed listening to a great tune and writing about nothing. Beats the mindless search for entertainment on youtube. Might as well do a general update, the new job has been nothing but a pain in the ass. Apart from getting flack from two of the supervisors, I keep missing shifts from the center.

It’s not like I don’t know what’s going on; it’s very evident what is going on, trying to weed out the good ones from the bad. Or maybe it’s just the general temperament of certain people. All I know is that negative reinforcement might create tougher individuals but when it comes in a situation where other factors and pressures are involved it is not going to help produce optimum employees. And besides it’s not the army. All they’ll manage is to lose a great, nay super, employee.  Oh well, I might quit soon considering I’m not making more money and actually losing money and my happiness. Shame though I have a great time with the guys there.

And I really need to find my own room soon, time’s a running short.

Fees, being lonely, this midsummer’s simmering tragedy
constantly on a steady low heat never a sign of retreating
can’t afford repeating my mistakes, it’s do or die, do I play it straight on through
or hesitate the just amount due, hoping to make long fading dreams come true
of love, freedom and escaping these fascist preachers, brain and soul leaches
all the haters, ignorant segregators, mindless instigators, blind cloned sheep

make life a living hell for the ones trying to break free and make sense, struggles
abound within and around, on this blue speck we’re living in. Do I blend in and phase out
or make shift the course of this history we’re all living in.

Oh well time to watch something and goto sleep because I feel the midnight munchies coming on.

This here is a post to the posts that have

This here is a post to posts that came and went without ever having had a chance to make it online. Also to the thoughts, the songs that I pen down at work and the ones that I never get a chance to pen down, to all the ideas about ideas that I’d dream about and never get a chance to realize. And to another day off where I did more than most sundays but still feel unfulfilled.

To another day that’s passed without someone to hold who I’ll cherish for the rest of my life or to randomly engage in non-sensical coupling to increase that pointless yet oft too heralded tally of youthful ‘love’ making. I’d much rather have the former than latter. Seems much more fulfilling.

Ah this brain of mine.

Sprain

I have yet to find a routine or plan, which while keeping me on track with short and long term goals allows the flexibility to keep life not so boring. Even my blogs have become lack luster. It used to be self revelatory gems of wisdom, self discovery, epiphanies and revelations. Now…

As of late life has been overly boring. My new job has caused more hassle than its worth. Ideally I was hoping a new job would mean more monetary benefits and more free time. But it hasn’t been so. As of now it’s been hard to get shifts for the center in the mornings and afternoon with the bulk of the work in the evenings and weekends now. I shall have to [try] get the morning shifts at the new job.

Other than that, my long weekend has been nothing like I planned. I won’t be working as much next week and I managed to pull my side whilst I was working out. Well another dull entry.

I need to start making a plan for utilizing my time and days more productively.